You never know who you will meet, those who become friends and those who are only there for a season. Sometimes you cross paths with people you don’t get along with and others, who for one reason or another, you share a kindred spirit with. Often these are the people we form deep friendships with, but we can never predict who, when or where we will meet the next significant person in our lives.
I had been working with Patrick for about a year and although we got on well, we were quite different – we had quite different career paths, interests and social circles and so hadn’t spent any time together outside of work when I experienced a ‘life-event’ that I was not prepared for. I like to think of myself as quite a resilient man – someone who is more than able to take on and cope with considerable stress, change and uncertainty and remain calm, collected, pragmatic and optimistic (mostly my mother’s influence!), but there was nothing that could have prepared me for this. I was mentally, emotionally, and physically undone. One morning at work a huge wave of emotion washed over me, and slumped at my desk, I started to cry uncontrollably. Being in an open plan office – this was far from ideal, but in an instant Patrick got up, told our Director and senior leadership team to leave their office as he needed it, ushered me in, closed the door and gave me a safe space. When the wave of emotion died down, Patrick took me for a coffee and we talked – on reflection I’m pretty sure I did most of the talking and he did most of the listening.
For a while, this became a frequent occurrence where I clearly wasn’t able to function as a human being, and without hesitation, Patrick treated me with compassion, respect, kindness, and understanding. He chose to be authentic and vulnerably shared that the same thing had happened to him many years ago and without any level of patronising, softly and calmly offered assurances that it was going to be ok. My journey over the next two years was (putting it mildly) turmoil. If I’m honest, on more than one occasion I would go to the train station and stand on the platform and question if stepping off-the platform was a better outcome than the future ahead.
For the next 2 years Patrick worked closely alongside me extending a hand of friendship, checking in with me and prioritising me over work and at times even his own personal commitments. Needless to say over that time the two of us formed a deep, mutual friendship as we helped each other operate and deliver in a challenging environment.
Over time, work saw us part ways professionally – each being pulled in separate directions to lead differing teams within the same organisation, but we kept in contact and met up to discuss our respective challenges enjoying a coffee on many occasions.
In September of 2022 Patrick reached out to me and asked if I would consider working for him (as he had been promoted) but there were two caveats. The first was that he wanted to prioritise our friendship – if I was in any way uncomfortable or concerned about working for him rather than with him, then this would be a non-starter. As far as I was concerned the minimum requirement I have for working for someone is trust – and I trusted Patrick with my life.
The second was that he wanted me to know he had been diagnosed with stomach cancer. At this point – no one else at work knew and it would remain that way for a long time.
Unfortunately I have an ongoing relationship with cancer. When I was 8 my cousin was diagnosed with and died of leukaemia. A few years later my grandmother died from cancer, and since then numerous family and friends have been diagnosed with and lost the fight against various forms of cancer.
Patrick breezed through his initial chemotherapy treatment which brought such strong positivity and kept his spirits high, and very shortly he received a surprise call form his oncologist with the news that he wouldn’t have to wait for his operation and that it would be in just a couple of weeks.
Although Patrick and I worked together, we were very much separated by geography – with nearly 100 miles between our homes. However when the opportunity arose, my wife and I went to visit Patrick in recovery following his operation. What was truly humbling was to see this incredible man moved to tears with gratitude that we had come to see him even if only for a short time. It reminded me that we never really know the impact we have on the people around us and the simplest of things can have such a huge value to people.
The following 8 weeks were some of the hardest of Patricks recovery as he re-learned what eating would look like following the removal of his stomach. But slowly, he regained his strength before he would then undergo another round of chemotherapy to ensure he was cancer free.
Just before Christmas Patrick rang me to give me some amazing news – namely that his latest test results had come back with the news that he was cancer free. Although this was of course the news we were all hoping to hear, this was nevertheless amazing news.
However, following a difficult Christmas with blood clots and a return to hospital for further tests, Patrick received the devastating news that he had developed secondary peritoneal cancer. There was now nothing that could be done and Patrick would sadly now have only months left. After struggling with further chemotherapy, Patrick made the difficult decision to favour quality of life over quantity and chose to stop his treatment in favour of enjoying whatever time he had left. In May my wife and I had the chance to go out for a meal with Patrick, his wife and son and had a wonderful evening together laughing, sharing stories and just hanging out. Sadly his condition soon deteriorated and on July 8th 2024 Patrick passed away.
A few months after the funeral, Patricks wife contacted me to tell me that Patrick had remembered me in his will. I was flawed. I honestly didn’t know what to say or how to respond. His friendship, transparency, authenticity and kindness meant everything to me but I certainly wasn’t going to dishonour Patrick’s last wishes.
After some weeks of deliberation, in memory of Patrick I chose to buy a watch with the money he left me. Something that every time I put it on and wore it, I would remember my friend. For the first time in my life I wanted a chronograph. For me it represented the ability to ‘stop time’ – to pause the recording of time and savour a moment and so for a number of reasons, I chose the Longines Avigation Bigeye.
I know it’s not an understatement to say that I would not be here today if it wasn’t for Patrick. There are 4 other people who helped me through what can only be described as the lowest time of my life. All of them spoke truth to me with compassion, empathy, understanding, reason and humility.
There weren’t many people that Patrick truly trusted and let into his life. He was mostly a private man who loved his family and was an incredibly proficient and capable man. I was extremely privileged to have been able to call him my friend and walk beside him every step of the way through his battle with cancer.
Although I could spend many of my days deeply bitter that Patrick was cruelly ripped away from us, I’m choosing to celebrate the time I had with him – treasuring fond memories and thankful for the impact that he had on me. He taught me a lot professionally and was often the wise voice in my ear saving me from unwise decisions. Every time I look at this watch I will remember with fond memories the time I got to spend with my friend and mentor.
None of us know how many days, weeks, months or years we have to live – what matters is what we choose to do with the time that we have. Few of us will ever know how the simplest acts of kindness will dramatically affect those around us or how our actions and vulnerability may lead to some of the deepest and most valuable friendships.
While, a number of my watches represent significant memories, this one’s for Patrick…
